Monday, December 30, 2013
Questions Parents Need to Ask: Program Goal
The question: Can you explain to me what the goal of your program is?
You will have goals for you children and the program will have goals. Sometimes the goals are clear, sometimes not so much. It's important to clarify your goals before you ask the question - I assure you, that you have goals! Think of it this way: what would get you concerned in the program? The amount of time your child gets to play? Your child comes home exhausted? Watching physical contact in the game? Why aren't they praying more before games?
The question is: are your goals in line with the program you're looking at.
The goal of our program is in the parent handbook: The Syracuse Eagles organization provides a competitive, varsity-level (7th-12th grade) soccer program based on Christian principles. We strive to develop God-given athletic abilities in a positive environment and help students meet New York State physical education requirements.
Some key points around this:
Competitive or Recreational? This will show itself in the level of intensity in training, who gets more game time, and level of detail. A recreational program will emphasize equal play time, basic training and just getting out there and playing soccer. A competitive program will emphasize winning, lots of conditioning, lots of feedback on what needs to improve, and lots of drills. Now maybe your goal is to just get your kid some physical activity and you enroll them in a competitive program. Let the coach know. If the goal of the program is competitive, the coach may have higher expectations than you and wonder why your child isn't stepping up. If you both are clear on that goal of yours, then the coach will have one less thing to worry about. We had one situation where a family enrolled their son and daughter and it was a struggle for them. Talking with the parents we found out that the kids were foster kids and had never even ran before, let alone play soccer. The parents goal was to get them active, and we were cool with that. Clear goals, even though different, made things good.
Varsity, Junior Varsity, or both? Home school or small Christian schools can have very small teams that are a mix of JV'ers and Varsity players. That can create some dynamics that need to be worked through. For example, an 11 years old joining a team that is run like a varsity program is going to be challenging, to say the least, for that player. The coach should know this and will challenge the player to their level.
Role of Christian principles? From a goal perspective, what role does the program have in the development of Christian character in the player? One soccer team I know of, the coach focused exclusively on soccer. The next year the coach changed and the focus expanded to include a lot more ministry to the players. Ultimately it's the parents responsibility to raise their child, not the coach. If you expectation is that the coach will have work on Christian character development and they don't, then you might get frustrated. The larger the program, the harder it will be for the coach to help individual players on character development.
Bottom line: Avoid the problem of you having expectations that you didn't communicate with the coach. Let the coach know your goals. Understand his or hers.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Winning
Before we get too far, let's clarify the word 'winning'. People get kind of funny around this word. Some people think that if someone is out to win, then they might do anything to win - end justifies the means. They may picture the coach, blue in the face, screaming at the little #@$*&!'s to run harder. Maybe they picture dirty tactics on the field. There are times when I say that the goal of my team is to win, I can see the other person bristle, like winning is a bad thing.
Let me be clear: winning is a good thing. There is not a problem with winning.
When I talk about winning, I'm talking about out scoring the other team in a professional, intense, moral manner, with grace. The Christian world view is very important here.
So what does winning mean? It means:
We train with excellence: training will cover all aspects of the game and players execution of a drill should be performed with precision.
We challenge the player at their level: different players come into the season with different skill levels. The player coming into the program for the first time will be at a very different level from the player that's been on the team for years. We can't expect the new player to perform at the same level as the more experienced player. So we challenge accordingly.
We train and play with intensity: the training and game are taken seriously. We have fun, we laugh, but we're intense. Intensity means being focused, purposeful, and working hard. Time to rest later.
We train and play to win next year: a program can get too focused on 'this year' and forgets that the goal is to win next year too.
We play fairly and with respect: the player is expected to abide by the rules of the game. They are expected to respect their teammates, referee, and the opponent. Players can develop friendship with other teams AND be able to play a hard physical game with them.
We win or lose with grace: when a team wins, they don't hold it over the other teams head, they don't gloat, they don't over celebrate.
We love the game: anything we love, we take care of, protect, and enjoy.
What we're trying to create is character that values hard work and excellence. When I meet the player when he or she is in their 30's, will it be the kind of person I want working for me? And isn't this what the bible speaks of? "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize?" 1 Cor 9:24 Paul speaks here and elsewhere about the need to challenge ourselves, discipline ourselves, and one way to model this for a teenage boy is through sports.
Bottom line: Winning is okay and doesn't need to be justified so long as its played with integrity.
Let me be clear: winning is a good thing. There is not a problem with winning.
When I talk about winning, I'm talking about out scoring the other team in a professional, intense, moral manner, with grace. The Christian world view is very important here.
So what does winning mean? It means:
We train with excellence: training will cover all aspects of the game and players execution of a drill should be performed with precision.
We challenge the player at their level: different players come into the season with different skill levels. The player coming into the program for the first time will be at a very different level from the player that's been on the team for years. We can't expect the new player to perform at the same level as the more experienced player. So we challenge accordingly.
We train and play with intensity: the training and game are taken seriously. We have fun, we laugh, but we're intense. Intensity means being focused, purposeful, and working hard. Time to rest later.
We train and play to win next year: a program can get too focused on 'this year' and forgets that the goal is to win next year too.
We play fairly and with respect: the player is expected to abide by the rules of the game. They are expected to respect their teammates, referee, and the opponent. Players can develop friendship with other teams AND be able to play a hard physical game with them.
We win or lose with grace: when a team wins, they don't hold it over the other teams head, they don't gloat, they don't over celebrate.
We love the game: anything we love, we take care of, protect, and enjoy.
What we're trying to create is character that values hard work and excellence. When I meet the player when he or she is in their 30's, will it be the kind of person I want working for me? And isn't this what the bible speaks of? "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize?" 1 Cor 9:24 Paul speaks here and elsewhere about the need to challenge ourselves, discipline ourselves, and one way to model this for a teenage boy is through sports.
Bottom line: Winning is okay and doesn't need to be justified so long as its played with integrity.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Questions Parents Need to Ask: Cost
So one obvious question to ask is: What does joining the program cost?
It's important to get some perspective first: piano or art lessons can cost $20 per hour or more. I put in 15 to 20 hours per week coaching (that does include the 2000 miles I drove this past season), multiply that by 10 weeks and that's $4000. My son decided to join a summer travel league and that was $2000 and that didn't include hotel rooms, fees etc. Get this: they wanted our credit card number so they could charge for other thing!
So when you hear the price is $150, that's a good deal!
Costs for a soccer program may not be as much as other programs, but do have expenses. These can include field rental, referee's, uniforms, soccer game balls, nets, training equipment, tournament fees, and t-shirt costs for All Star games. These add up, so it's more than just a couple of soccer balls and uniforms. Also, a team may need to hire a coach part time. Programs try and build up some cash buffer in case a big expense comes along.
Ask if there is a discount for multiple kids. A program should offer this and they should offer a family plan: first child is $150, second is $120, third is $100 and total cost for a family not to exceed, $300.
Also ask what the refund policy is in case the program isn't working for you. Don't be surprised if they don't do refunds. Volunteer organizations don't have a lot of time, and dealing with refunds creates more work for already over worked people. Also, it encourages people to commit to the program. They should have a refund policy if there is an injury early in the season - very early.
Our program has a spring training program that is inexpensive, $40, and that's a great way to try out the program - to see the coach and staff in action.
Ask if there are any fund raising commitments to help cover expenses. This can include selling popcorn, getting sponsorships, etc.
There can be other hidden costs. For example, our program requires membership on a local home school organization that costs about $50.
Bottom line: the stated cost may not be the only cost. So ask what the range of costs may be.
Monday, December 16, 2013
Game Time - Part 4: Who Will Ask
To wrap up this discussion on the game time question you'll get we should talk about who will approach you? This is good to know, so you won't be surprised. Some of these cases are easy to deal with, others will throw you for a loop. Here they are:
1. First time parent - this will be someone new to the program who may not understand the program history. My kids sat the bench most of the time for their first two years they played, so I know the feeling. Other parents just paid $100 for their kid to play and wonder why they didn't play the first game. The approach is to educate if their not hostile. Hostile? Give short explanation and give them feedback on their hostility. Don't let them do that to you.
2. Mr. Hostile - you'll get the guy who just always seems angry. Had one guy who always seemed to keep his distance from other people. Then one day he lands the game time question. Direct and hostile. Not necessarily a yeller. Approach: firm, short answers, no arguing.
3. Crying Mother - ugh. These are the hardest. Hold on to your seat and get a box of tissues. This can be over the phone or in person. Pray it's over the phone. Approach: uh, no idea, but review the checklist and be confident of your decision.
4. Unknown Fan - This one cracks me up. This is the guy who you don't know, from some other team, who will heap (false) praise on you then give you a hard time. Of all of them, this one is probably the easiest to deal with. Approach: thanks for input, walk away. No debate, no discussion.
5. The Friend - You'll probably get close to some of the parents on the team. Then one day they'll ask the game time question. This may come as a reasonable sincere question, or it may come as a very disappointed, 'you betrayed me' question. Approach: this one hurts. Love.
6. Mr. Serious Professional - This is the guy who is professional, serious, and concerned about his kid. Similar to the first timer, but he'll grill you more effectively than the others. 'How will my son get better if you don't play him?' Approach: professional, educate. This is not an argument to be won.
7. The Player - My son was the perfect example. He would slide up closer and closer to the coach during the game and gradually whisper - 'I am ready coach'. Kids aren't as sophisticated as adults, so their ask will be more immature - good opportunity to help them grow. Approach: Opportunity to help them grow.
You can get any combination of these. I'm sure next year will bring a new type that will throw me for a loop - chalk it up to experience. To summarize how to respond:
1. First time parent - this will be someone new to the program who may not understand the program history. My kids sat the bench most of the time for their first two years they played, so I know the feeling. Other parents just paid $100 for their kid to play and wonder why they didn't play the first game. The approach is to educate if their not hostile. Hostile? Give short explanation and give them feedback on their hostility. Don't let them do that to you.
2. Mr. Hostile - you'll get the guy who just always seems angry. Had one guy who always seemed to keep his distance from other people. Then one day he lands the game time question. Direct and hostile. Not necessarily a yeller. Approach: firm, short answers, no arguing.
3. Crying Mother - ugh. These are the hardest. Hold on to your seat and get a box of tissues. This can be over the phone or in person. Pray it's over the phone. Approach: uh, no idea, but review the checklist and be confident of your decision.
4. Unknown Fan - This one cracks me up. This is the guy who you don't know, from some other team, who will heap (false) praise on you then give you a hard time. Of all of them, this one is probably the easiest to deal with. Approach: thanks for input, walk away. No debate, no discussion.
5. The Friend - You'll probably get close to some of the parents on the team. Then one day they'll ask the game time question. This may come as a reasonable sincere question, or it may come as a very disappointed, 'you betrayed me' question. Approach: this one hurts. Love.
6. Mr. Serious Professional - This is the guy who is professional, serious, and concerned about his kid. Similar to the first timer, but he'll grill you more effectively than the others. 'How will my son get better if you don't play him?' Approach: professional, educate. This is not an argument to be won.
7. The Player - My son was the perfect example. He would slide up closer and closer to the coach during the game and gradually whisper - 'I am ready coach'. Kids aren't as sophisticated as adults, so their ask will be more immature - good opportunity to help them grow. Approach: Opportunity to help them grow.
You can get any combination of these. I'm sure next year will bring a new type that will throw me for a loop - chalk it up to experience. To summarize how to respond:
- Set expectations. At start of season, be clear on your game time policy.
- Listen. Use the check list. You may have missed something.
- Sympathize. You've been there with your own kids.
- Be firm. You're the coach, you make the decision.
- Thanks for input. You'll think about it. Really, you should.
- End conversation. If this drags on, end it.
- Other Issues? Maybe this isn't just about game time.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Questions Parents Need to Ask
Having done this for ten years, I've got some inside perspective on what's involved with joining a soccer club. And ultimately it's the parent's responsibility to make sure the program is a good fit for their child and family. Just asking how much does it costs then dropping your child off is simply irresponsible. You've got to do your home work.
I'm going to have a series of posts on this: what questions to ask, some inside perspective, and some details - the first question you ask may be just the tip of the iceberg.
So the first suggestion is: who to ask. I would recommend asking four people. This number may vary depending on how the organization is organized. So here they are:
The Coach - the coach is going to give you a technical perspective, specifically about soccer training.
The Board Chairman - a small program may not have one and this role may be filled by the coach. If it is, that would suggest some questions that I'll cover later. The board share should give you a perspective on how the program is organized.
A Parent - you want to find a parent who has been with the program for two years or more. The perspective you're looking for here is impact on family and how well their kids are fitting in.
A Player - ask a player! Find out what they think and are they having fun! You might get some lame feedback, but then again, you might learn something interesting!
So when I review the questions to ask, we'll look at them from the perspective of these people.
Bottom line: its your responsibility, not the programs, to make sure the program fits with your goals and values.
I'm going to have a series of posts on this: what questions to ask, some inside perspective, and some details - the first question you ask may be just the tip of the iceberg.
So the first suggestion is: who to ask. I would recommend asking four people. This number may vary depending on how the organization is organized. So here they are:
The Coach - the coach is going to give you a technical perspective, specifically about soccer training.
The Board Chairman - a small program may not have one and this role may be filled by the coach. If it is, that would suggest some questions that I'll cover later. The board share should give you a perspective on how the program is organized.
A Parent - you want to find a parent who has been with the program for two years or more. The perspective you're looking for here is impact on family and how well their kids are fitting in.
A Player - ask a player! Find out what they think and are they having fun! You might get some lame feedback, but then again, you might learn something interesting!
So when I review the questions to ask, we'll look at them from the perspective of these people.
Bottom line: its your responsibility, not the programs, to make sure the program fits with your goals and values.
Friday, December 6, 2013
I Don't Know
Unless you have a lot of experience coaching, you will often come across new situations, questions you can't answer, etc. Be okay with that. You may get heat for you decisions but keep in mind that you're learning. And you're in charge.
I had a situation where I hadn't coached an All League game before. This is where the best players in the league are selected by the league coaches and they play another league. I knew this was a new situation so I reviewed strategy with another coach and asked another coach to help me out in the game. During the game I consulted the assistant and took many of his suggestions. After the game I got an earful for something I did. I was very upset after that, but then reason set in and I realized - not being a world class level coach with years of experience - that it was a new situation, and that I needed to be okay with that.
If you know that you don't know as much as you could, are humble enough to get feedback, and make decisive decisions - be comfortable. So here's some advice:
If someone asks you a question and you don't know the answer, say, "I don't know". Be confident in that answer.
If you're in a situation where you're unsure, find someone or some resource to help. Good coaching is more about bringing the right resources to the situation than it is knowing everything. And guess what, you don't know everything.
Be decisive. There will be situations where you're unfamiliar with something, have listened to input, looked it up on YouTube, and have thought through it - then act. Proceed with confidence. Don't look back.
Keep a notebook and take notes. Take notes on what you did in games, practice, question you got, etc. Just the act of writing helps to think through things. And in years to come you may be glad you wrote it down.
Respectfully listen to the feedback. Sometimes it will be good, sometimes it will be emotional eruptions. You don't need to listen to it go on and on. Separate the emotion from the content.
Pray for wisdom. God does provide wisdom on soccer. Even soccer!
I had a situation where I hadn't coached an All League game before. This is where the best players in the league are selected by the league coaches and they play another league. I knew this was a new situation so I reviewed strategy with another coach and asked another coach to help me out in the game. During the game I consulted the assistant and took many of his suggestions. After the game I got an earful for something I did. I was very upset after that, but then reason set in and I realized - not being a world class level coach with years of experience - that it was a new situation, and that I needed to be okay with that.
If you know that you don't know as much as you could, are humble enough to get feedback, and make decisive decisions - be comfortable. So here's some advice:
If someone asks you a question and you don't know the answer, say, "I don't know". Be confident in that answer.
If you're in a situation where you're unsure, find someone or some resource to help. Good coaching is more about bringing the right resources to the situation than it is knowing everything. And guess what, you don't know everything.
Be decisive. There will be situations where you're unfamiliar with something, have listened to input, looked it up on YouTube, and have thought through it - then act. Proceed with confidence. Don't look back.
Keep a notebook and take notes. Take notes on what you did in games, practice, question you got, etc. Just the act of writing helps to think through things. And in years to come you may be glad you wrote it down.
Respectfully listen to the feedback. Sometimes it will be good, sometimes it will be emotional eruptions. You don't need to listen to it go on and on. Separate the emotion from the content.
Pray for wisdom. God does provide wisdom on soccer. Even soccer!
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Coaching Burnout
Depending on how the season goes, you’ll start to get mentally tired. If it’s a hard season this will come sooner. If it’s a great season it will come later. But it will come. Give yourself a break. Our season is about 2.5 months with games, practices, parents, meetings, etc. I would spend between 15-20hrs per work day on this. This will wear on you. It wears on me.
Let go of soccer on Sunday. This is a Lord's day, a day of rest. God gave it to you for your benefit, so use it! Go spend time with family and friends.
As you start to wear out, that will probably come around some of the most important games, so you'll be more susceptible to stress.
It'll probably be during these times when you'll feel like you're being attacked or ambushed by the craziest things. Maybe you'll get a particularly bad 'why isn't my son playing more', maybe it will be some conflict with a parent. Not much you can do, but just be aware that you're vulnerable during this time. Keep things in perspective. Conflicts during this time tend to get blown out of proportion. So take a step back, ask the other person for more time to think about things, or just ignore them.
Stay physically active - run, swim, bike, etc. Physical activity is important in burning off stress. Eat well. Try and stay away from the junk food or lots of coffee.
You will be tempted to make some bad decisions during this time. Think about the impact of the decision. Do you have time to make it? Pray about it. Because the end of the season is near, you may be tempted to rush things. Only rush those things you have to. Other things can wait.
At the end of the season I get the greatest thank you notes. I've started a practice of saving these in a basket near my desk. When I feel lost, upset or question why I'm doing this, I pull one out at random and read it. It really helps.
Keep an eye on the voice in your head. When things are going well and you're fresh, that voice will have good things to say. When the end of the season comes and bad stuff has happened, that voice will be critical. Focus on the bigger picture. If there are things to fix, fix them, but don't make a big emotional production out of them.
I wasn’t very good at this, I hope you do better!
Let go of soccer on Sunday. This is a Lord's day, a day of rest. God gave it to you for your benefit, so use it! Go spend time with family and friends.
As you start to wear out, that will probably come around some of the most important games, so you'll be more susceptible to stress.
It'll probably be during these times when you'll feel like you're being attacked or ambushed by the craziest things. Maybe you'll get a particularly bad 'why isn't my son playing more', maybe it will be some conflict with a parent. Not much you can do, but just be aware that you're vulnerable during this time. Keep things in perspective. Conflicts during this time tend to get blown out of proportion. So take a step back, ask the other person for more time to think about things, or just ignore them.
Stay physically active - run, swim, bike, etc. Physical activity is important in burning off stress. Eat well. Try and stay away from the junk food or lots of coffee.
You will be tempted to make some bad decisions during this time. Think about the impact of the decision. Do you have time to make it? Pray about it. Because the end of the season is near, you may be tempted to rush things. Only rush those things you have to. Other things can wait.
At the end of the season I get the greatest thank you notes. I've started a practice of saving these in a basket near my desk. When I feel lost, upset or question why I'm doing this, I pull one out at random and read it. It really helps.
Keep an eye on the voice in your head. When things are going well and you're fresh, that voice will have good things to say. When the end of the season comes and bad stuff has happened, that voice will be critical. Focus on the bigger picture. If there are things to fix, fix them, but don't make a big emotional production out of them.
I wasn’t very good at this, I hope you do better!
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