Monday, December 30, 2013
Questions Parents Need to Ask: Program Goal
The question: Can you explain to me what the goal of your program is?
You will have goals for you children and the program will have goals. Sometimes the goals are clear, sometimes not so much. It's important to clarify your goals before you ask the question - I assure you, that you have goals! Think of it this way: what would get you concerned in the program? The amount of time your child gets to play? Your child comes home exhausted? Watching physical contact in the game? Why aren't they praying more before games?
The question is: are your goals in line with the program you're looking at.
The goal of our program is in the parent handbook: The Syracuse Eagles organization provides a competitive, varsity-level (7th-12th grade) soccer program based on Christian principles. We strive to develop God-given athletic abilities in a positive environment and help students meet New York State physical education requirements.
Some key points around this:
Competitive or Recreational? This will show itself in the level of intensity in training, who gets more game time, and level of detail. A recreational program will emphasize equal play time, basic training and just getting out there and playing soccer. A competitive program will emphasize winning, lots of conditioning, lots of feedback on what needs to improve, and lots of drills. Now maybe your goal is to just get your kid some physical activity and you enroll them in a competitive program. Let the coach know. If the goal of the program is competitive, the coach may have higher expectations than you and wonder why your child isn't stepping up. If you both are clear on that goal of yours, then the coach will have one less thing to worry about. We had one situation where a family enrolled their son and daughter and it was a struggle for them. Talking with the parents we found out that the kids were foster kids and had never even ran before, let alone play soccer. The parents goal was to get them active, and we were cool with that. Clear goals, even though different, made things good.
Varsity, Junior Varsity, or both? Home school or small Christian schools can have very small teams that are a mix of JV'ers and Varsity players. That can create some dynamics that need to be worked through. For example, an 11 years old joining a team that is run like a varsity program is going to be challenging, to say the least, for that player. The coach should know this and will challenge the player to their level.
Role of Christian principles? From a goal perspective, what role does the program have in the development of Christian character in the player? One soccer team I know of, the coach focused exclusively on soccer. The next year the coach changed and the focus expanded to include a lot more ministry to the players. Ultimately it's the parents responsibility to raise their child, not the coach. If you expectation is that the coach will have work on Christian character development and they don't, then you might get frustrated. The larger the program, the harder it will be for the coach to help individual players on character development.
Bottom line: Avoid the problem of you having expectations that you didn't communicate with the coach. Let the coach know your goals. Understand his or hers.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Winning
Before we get too far, let's clarify the word 'winning'. People get kind of funny around this word. Some people think that if someone is out to win, then they might do anything to win - end justifies the means. They may picture the coach, blue in the face, screaming at the little #@$*&!'s to run harder. Maybe they picture dirty tactics on the field. There are times when I say that the goal of my team is to win, I can see the other person bristle, like winning is a bad thing.
Let me be clear: winning is a good thing. There is not a problem with winning.
When I talk about winning, I'm talking about out scoring the other team in a professional, intense, moral manner, with grace. The Christian world view is very important here.
So what does winning mean? It means:
We train with excellence: training will cover all aspects of the game and players execution of a drill should be performed with precision.
We challenge the player at their level: different players come into the season with different skill levels. The player coming into the program for the first time will be at a very different level from the player that's been on the team for years. We can't expect the new player to perform at the same level as the more experienced player. So we challenge accordingly.
We train and play with intensity: the training and game are taken seriously. We have fun, we laugh, but we're intense. Intensity means being focused, purposeful, and working hard. Time to rest later.
We train and play to win next year: a program can get too focused on 'this year' and forgets that the goal is to win next year too.
We play fairly and with respect: the player is expected to abide by the rules of the game. They are expected to respect their teammates, referee, and the opponent. Players can develop friendship with other teams AND be able to play a hard physical game with them.
We win or lose with grace: when a team wins, they don't hold it over the other teams head, they don't gloat, they don't over celebrate.
We love the game: anything we love, we take care of, protect, and enjoy.
What we're trying to create is character that values hard work and excellence. When I meet the player when he or she is in their 30's, will it be the kind of person I want working for me? And isn't this what the bible speaks of? "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize?" 1 Cor 9:24 Paul speaks here and elsewhere about the need to challenge ourselves, discipline ourselves, and one way to model this for a teenage boy is through sports.
Bottom line: Winning is okay and doesn't need to be justified so long as its played with integrity.
Let me be clear: winning is a good thing. There is not a problem with winning.
When I talk about winning, I'm talking about out scoring the other team in a professional, intense, moral manner, with grace. The Christian world view is very important here.
So what does winning mean? It means:
We train with excellence: training will cover all aspects of the game and players execution of a drill should be performed with precision.
We challenge the player at their level: different players come into the season with different skill levels. The player coming into the program for the first time will be at a very different level from the player that's been on the team for years. We can't expect the new player to perform at the same level as the more experienced player. So we challenge accordingly.
We train and play with intensity: the training and game are taken seriously. We have fun, we laugh, but we're intense. Intensity means being focused, purposeful, and working hard. Time to rest later.
We train and play to win next year: a program can get too focused on 'this year' and forgets that the goal is to win next year too.
We play fairly and with respect: the player is expected to abide by the rules of the game. They are expected to respect their teammates, referee, and the opponent. Players can develop friendship with other teams AND be able to play a hard physical game with them.
We win or lose with grace: when a team wins, they don't hold it over the other teams head, they don't gloat, they don't over celebrate.
We love the game: anything we love, we take care of, protect, and enjoy.
What we're trying to create is character that values hard work and excellence. When I meet the player when he or she is in their 30's, will it be the kind of person I want working for me? And isn't this what the bible speaks of? "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize?" 1 Cor 9:24 Paul speaks here and elsewhere about the need to challenge ourselves, discipline ourselves, and one way to model this for a teenage boy is through sports.
Bottom line: Winning is okay and doesn't need to be justified so long as its played with integrity.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Questions Parents Need to Ask: Cost
So one obvious question to ask is: What does joining the program cost?
It's important to get some perspective first: piano or art lessons can cost $20 per hour or more. I put in 15 to 20 hours per week coaching (that does include the 2000 miles I drove this past season), multiply that by 10 weeks and that's $4000. My son decided to join a summer travel league and that was $2000 and that didn't include hotel rooms, fees etc. Get this: they wanted our credit card number so they could charge for other thing!
So when you hear the price is $150, that's a good deal!
Costs for a soccer program may not be as much as other programs, but do have expenses. These can include field rental, referee's, uniforms, soccer game balls, nets, training equipment, tournament fees, and t-shirt costs for All Star games. These add up, so it's more than just a couple of soccer balls and uniforms. Also, a team may need to hire a coach part time. Programs try and build up some cash buffer in case a big expense comes along.
Ask if there is a discount for multiple kids. A program should offer this and they should offer a family plan: first child is $150, second is $120, third is $100 and total cost for a family not to exceed, $300.
Also ask what the refund policy is in case the program isn't working for you. Don't be surprised if they don't do refunds. Volunteer organizations don't have a lot of time, and dealing with refunds creates more work for already over worked people. Also, it encourages people to commit to the program. They should have a refund policy if there is an injury early in the season - very early.
Our program has a spring training program that is inexpensive, $40, and that's a great way to try out the program - to see the coach and staff in action.
Ask if there are any fund raising commitments to help cover expenses. This can include selling popcorn, getting sponsorships, etc.
There can be other hidden costs. For example, our program requires membership on a local home school organization that costs about $50.
Bottom line: the stated cost may not be the only cost. So ask what the range of costs may be.
Monday, December 16, 2013
Game Time - Part 4: Who Will Ask
To wrap up this discussion on the game time question you'll get we should talk about who will approach you? This is good to know, so you won't be surprised. Some of these cases are easy to deal with, others will throw you for a loop. Here they are:
1. First time parent - this will be someone new to the program who may not understand the program history. My kids sat the bench most of the time for their first two years they played, so I know the feeling. Other parents just paid $100 for their kid to play and wonder why they didn't play the first game. The approach is to educate if their not hostile. Hostile? Give short explanation and give them feedback on their hostility. Don't let them do that to you.
2. Mr. Hostile - you'll get the guy who just always seems angry. Had one guy who always seemed to keep his distance from other people. Then one day he lands the game time question. Direct and hostile. Not necessarily a yeller. Approach: firm, short answers, no arguing.
3. Crying Mother - ugh. These are the hardest. Hold on to your seat and get a box of tissues. This can be over the phone or in person. Pray it's over the phone. Approach: uh, no idea, but review the checklist and be confident of your decision.
4. Unknown Fan - This one cracks me up. This is the guy who you don't know, from some other team, who will heap (false) praise on you then give you a hard time. Of all of them, this one is probably the easiest to deal with. Approach: thanks for input, walk away. No debate, no discussion.
5. The Friend - You'll probably get close to some of the parents on the team. Then one day they'll ask the game time question. This may come as a reasonable sincere question, or it may come as a very disappointed, 'you betrayed me' question. Approach: this one hurts. Love.
6. Mr. Serious Professional - This is the guy who is professional, serious, and concerned about his kid. Similar to the first timer, but he'll grill you more effectively than the others. 'How will my son get better if you don't play him?' Approach: professional, educate. This is not an argument to be won.
7. The Player - My son was the perfect example. He would slide up closer and closer to the coach during the game and gradually whisper - 'I am ready coach'. Kids aren't as sophisticated as adults, so their ask will be more immature - good opportunity to help them grow. Approach: Opportunity to help them grow.
You can get any combination of these. I'm sure next year will bring a new type that will throw me for a loop - chalk it up to experience. To summarize how to respond:
1. First time parent - this will be someone new to the program who may not understand the program history. My kids sat the bench most of the time for their first two years they played, so I know the feeling. Other parents just paid $100 for their kid to play and wonder why they didn't play the first game. The approach is to educate if their not hostile. Hostile? Give short explanation and give them feedback on their hostility. Don't let them do that to you.
2. Mr. Hostile - you'll get the guy who just always seems angry. Had one guy who always seemed to keep his distance from other people. Then one day he lands the game time question. Direct and hostile. Not necessarily a yeller. Approach: firm, short answers, no arguing.
3. Crying Mother - ugh. These are the hardest. Hold on to your seat and get a box of tissues. This can be over the phone or in person. Pray it's over the phone. Approach: uh, no idea, but review the checklist and be confident of your decision.
4. Unknown Fan - This one cracks me up. This is the guy who you don't know, from some other team, who will heap (false) praise on you then give you a hard time. Of all of them, this one is probably the easiest to deal with. Approach: thanks for input, walk away. No debate, no discussion.
5. The Friend - You'll probably get close to some of the parents on the team. Then one day they'll ask the game time question. This may come as a reasonable sincere question, or it may come as a very disappointed, 'you betrayed me' question. Approach: this one hurts. Love.
6. Mr. Serious Professional - This is the guy who is professional, serious, and concerned about his kid. Similar to the first timer, but he'll grill you more effectively than the others. 'How will my son get better if you don't play him?' Approach: professional, educate. This is not an argument to be won.
7. The Player - My son was the perfect example. He would slide up closer and closer to the coach during the game and gradually whisper - 'I am ready coach'. Kids aren't as sophisticated as adults, so their ask will be more immature - good opportunity to help them grow. Approach: Opportunity to help them grow.
You can get any combination of these. I'm sure next year will bring a new type that will throw me for a loop - chalk it up to experience. To summarize how to respond:
- Set expectations. At start of season, be clear on your game time policy.
- Listen. Use the check list. You may have missed something.
- Sympathize. You've been there with your own kids.
- Be firm. You're the coach, you make the decision.
- Thanks for input. You'll think about it. Really, you should.
- End conversation. If this drags on, end it.
- Other Issues? Maybe this isn't just about game time.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Questions Parents Need to Ask
Having done this for ten years, I've got some inside perspective on what's involved with joining a soccer club. And ultimately it's the parent's responsibility to make sure the program is a good fit for their child and family. Just asking how much does it costs then dropping your child off is simply irresponsible. You've got to do your home work.
I'm going to have a series of posts on this: what questions to ask, some inside perspective, and some details - the first question you ask may be just the tip of the iceberg.
So the first suggestion is: who to ask. I would recommend asking four people. This number may vary depending on how the organization is organized. So here they are:
The Coach - the coach is going to give you a technical perspective, specifically about soccer training.
The Board Chairman - a small program may not have one and this role may be filled by the coach. If it is, that would suggest some questions that I'll cover later. The board share should give you a perspective on how the program is organized.
A Parent - you want to find a parent who has been with the program for two years or more. The perspective you're looking for here is impact on family and how well their kids are fitting in.
A Player - ask a player! Find out what they think and are they having fun! You might get some lame feedback, but then again, you might learn something interesting!
So when I review the questions to ask, we'll look at them from the perspective of these people.
Bottom line: its your responsibility, not the programs, to make sure the program fits with your goals and values.
I'm going to have a series of posts on this: what questions to ask, some inside perspective, and some details - the first question you ask may be just the tip of the iceberg.
So the first suggestion is: who to ask. I would recommend asking four people. This number may vary depending on how the organization is organized. So here they are:
The Coach - the coach is going to give you a technical perspective, specifically about soccer training.
The Board Chairman - a small program may not have one and this role may be filled by the coach. If it is, that would suggest some questions that I'll cover later. The board share should give you a perspective on how the program is organized.
A Parent - you want to find a parent who has been with the program for two years or more. The perspective you're looking for here is impact on family and how well their kids are fitting in.
A Player - ask a player! Find out what they think and are they having fun! You might get some lame feedback, but then again, you might learn something interesting!
So when I review the questions to ask, we'll look at them from the perspective of these people.
Bottom line: its your responsibility, not the programs, to make sure the program fits with your goals and values.
Friday, December 6, 2013
I Don't Know
Unless you have a lot of experience coaching, you will often come across new situations, questions you can't answer, etc. Be okay with that. You may get heat for you decisions but keep in mind that you're learning. And you're in charge.
I had a situation where I hadn't coached an All League game before. This is where the best players in the league are selected by the league coaches and they play another league. I knew this was a new situation so I reviewed strategy with another coach and asked another coach to help me out in the game. During the game I consulted the assistant and took many of his suggestions. After the game I got an earful for something I did. I was very upset after that, but then reason set in and I realized - not being a world class level coach with years of experience - that it was a new situation, and that I needed to be okay with that.
If you know that you don't know as much as you could, are humble enough to get feedback, and make decisive decisions - be comfortable. So here's some advice:
If someone asks you a question and you don't know the answer, say, "I don't know". Be confident in that answer.
If you're in a situation where you're unsure, find someone or some resource to help. Good coaching is more about bringing the right resources to the situation than it is knowing everything. And guess what, you don't know everything.
Be decisive. There will be situations where you're unfamiliar with something, have listened to input, looked it up on YouTube, and have thought through it - then act. Proceed with confidence. Don't look back.
Keep a notebook and take notes. Take notes on what you did in games, practice, question you got, etc. Just the act of writing helps to think through things. And in years to come you may be glad you wrote it down.
Respectfully listen to the feedback. Sometimes it will be good, sometimes it will be emotional eruptions. You don't need to listen to it go on and on. Separate the emotion from the content.
Pray for wisdom. God does provide wisdom on soccer. Even soccer!
I had a situation where I hadn't coached an All League game before. This is where the best players in the league are selected by the league coaches and they play another league. I knew this was a new situation so I reviewed strategy with another coach and asked another coach to help me out in the game. During the game I consulted the assistant and took many of his suggestions. After the game I got an earful for something I did. I was very upset after that, but then reason set in and I realized - not being a world class level coach with years of experience - that it was a new situation, and that I needed to be okay with that.
If you know that you don't know as much as you could, are humble enough to get feedback, and make decisive decisions - be comfortable. So here's some advice:
If someone asks you a question and you don't know the answer, say, "I don't know". Be confident in that answer.
If you're in a situation where you're unsure, find someone or some resource to help. Good coaching is more about bringing the right resources to the situation than it is knowing everything. And guess what, you don't know everything.
Be decisive. There will be situations where you're unfamiliar with something, have listened to input, looked it up on YouTube, and have thought through it - then act. Proceed with confidence. Don't look back.
Keep a notebook and take notes. Take notes on what you did in games, practice, question you got, etc. Just the act of writing helps to think through things. And in years to come you may be glad you wrote it down.
Respectfully listen to the feedback. Sometimes it will be good, sometimes it will be emotional eruptions. You don't need to listen to it go on and on. Separate the emotion from the content.
Pray for wisdom. God does provide wisdom on soccer. Even soccer!
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Coaching Burnout
Depending on how the season goes, you’ll start to get mentally tired. If it’s a hard season this will come sooner. If it’s a great season it will come later. But it will come. Give yourself a break. Our season is about 2.5 months with games, practices, parents, meetings, etc. I would spend between 15-20hrs per work day on this. This will wear on you. It wears on me.
Let go of soccer on Sunday. This is a Lord's day, a day of rest. God gave it to you for your benefit, so use it! Go spend time with family and friends.
As you start to wear out, that will probably come around some of the most important games, so you'll be more susceptible to stress.
It'll probably be during these times when you'll feel like you're being attacked or ambushed by the craziest things. Maybe you'll get a particularly bad 'why isn't my son playing more', maybe it will be some conflict with a parent. Not much you can do, but just be aware that you're vulnerable during this time. Keep things in perspective. Conflicts during this time tend to get blown out of proportion. So take a step back, ask the other person for more time to think about things, or just ignore them.
Stay physically active - run, swim, bike, etc. Physical activity is important in burning off stress. Eat well. Try and stay away from the junk food or lots of coffee.
You will be tempted to make some bad decisions during this time. Think about the impact of the decision. Do you have time to make it? Pray about it. Because the end of the season is near, you may be tempted to rush things. Only rush those things you have to. Other things can wait.
At the end of the season I get the greatest thank you notes. I've started a practice of saving these in a basket near my desk. When I feel lost, upset or question why I'm doing this, I pull one out at random and read it. It really helps.
Keep an eye on the voice in your head. When things are going well and you're fresh, that voice will have good things to say. When the end of the season comes and bad stuff has happened, that voice will be critical. Focus on the bigger picture. If there are things to fix, fix them, but don't make a big emotional production out of them.
I wasn’t very good at this, I hope you do better!
Let go of soccer on Sunday. This is a Lord's day, a day of rest. God gave it to you for your benefit, so use it! Go spend time with family and friends.
As you start to wear out, that will probably come around some of the most important games, so you'll be more susceptible to stress.
It'll probably be during these times when you'll feel like you're being attacked or ambushed by the craziest things. Maybe you'll get a particularly bad 'why isn't my son playing more', maybe it will be some conflict with a parent. Not much you can do, but just be aware that you're vulnerable during this time. Keep things in perspective. Conflicts during this time tend to get blown out of proportion. So take a step back, ask the other person for more time to think about things, or just ignore them.
Stay physically active - run, swim, bike, etc. Physical activity is important in burning off stress. Eat well. Try and stay away from the junk food or lots of coffee.
You will be tempted to make some bad decisions during this time. Think about the impact of the decision. Do you have time to make it? Pray about it. Because the end of the season is near, you may be tempted to rush things. Only rush those things you have to. Other things can wait.
At the end of the season I get the greatest thank you notes. I've started a practice of saving these in a basket near my desk. When I feel lost, upset or question why I'm doing this, I pull one out at random and read it. It really helps.
Keep an eye on the voice in your head. When things are going well and you're fresh, that voice will have good things to say. When the end of the season comes and bad stuff has happened, that voice will be critical. Focus on the bigger picture. If there are things to fix, fix them, but don't make a big emotional production out of them.
I wasn’t very good at this, I hope you do better!
Monday, November 25, 2013
Game Time - Part 3: Check List
When someone comes to you and asks the 'game time' question, you need to do an honest assessment of the specific player's game time, here are some questions to help:
[ ] Did you share your expectations and ground rules for game time at the start of the season?
[ ] Did the parent or player follow the rules for game time discussions that you game at the start of the season when they approached you?
[ ] Are you playing a player less because the player is rubbing you the wrong way? You may need to be more decisive in dealing with attitude issues. This can include direct one on one feedback with the player, consequences (run a lap when interrupting coach), and discussion with parents.
[ ] What is the grade/age of player vs. ability vs. overall game time? If a player is young, very good, played a good amount, but didn’t get to play in one game, then you’re okay. Maybe they're young and not so good, still okay. Just think through this.
[ ] Why didn’t you play the player more in the game in question? Were they flat? Were they making mistakes? Was it because there were lots of other players who could play their position? Did they fall through the cracks?
[ ] Are you potentially missing this player? Is it possible that in the chaos of games and other players being more vocal, that you’re missing this player? Check you player time stats.
[ ] Is this an issue of expectations? What are the expectations of the player or parent and how does that compare with yours? Is it an expectation they have and didn't share with you? Is there some documented or verbalized expectation that the team or league has?
[ ] Is this a special situation, like All Stars and All League where other factors come into play?
This is a balance between being sympathetic, firm and reflective. Make sure you're not missing something. You always have an opportunity to learn something, even if the situation makes you crazy!
Friday, November 22, 2013
Get rid of the email list...
Most organizations use email lists to keep people informed. Get rid of them. The amount of time you'll spend managing an email list and the problems you'll get when you miss someone, just isn't worth it. There are better ways. We had a situation where a player wasn't on the email list, missed an email about a game location change, and went to the wrong location. Man, did I get grief for that. People's emails change. You will always get someone new who needs to be added to the email distribution or have someone change their email. So it will impact your list.
Pick a technology that where people can manage their own membership or subscription. Two very popular options are Facebook and Google user groups. In Facebook, create a group and make yourself and someone else in a leadership position an admin and make the group closed so that membership has to be approved by someone.
Setup for each year. For example, if you're using Facebook, when you create a group, have the year in the title. Create at the start of each season, and close down last years at the same time. These groups will pick up a LOT of traffic. Recreating each year helps to make sure the membership is current and relevant.
Pick a technology that will manage documents and files. We have club hand books, hand books from the league, rosters, driving directions, league standings, etc. that we need to make available to everyone. Facebook allows this. If you don't use Facebook, you may have to pick another technology to support this, such as www.skydrive.com or Google drive.
We setup a phone line through Google Voice where we leave messages for the team. This is useful for last minute changes. People will call the line and hear the latest information. This is helpful when there are iffy weather conditions or there is some last minute issue with the field. This is free.
We've used a service called www.squidoo.com to setup a page that lists out all the field location information. This includes information on address for the field, how long it takes to get there, where to eat afterwards, does the field location have a bathroom. You can see our page at: www.syracuseeaglessoccer.com.
You will always have someone on the team who doesn't do email, doesn't do Facebook, doesn't do.... In those cases it's up to them to find another family to partner with to get communications. Make this clear at the parents meeting at the start of the season.
Document any details about a particular tool you're using. For example, if you're using Google Voice, document how to update messages. You'll include things like the phone number, pin number, what options to set, and maybe even a template for what to say. This goes to the club secretary.
I'm waiting for some tool that will turn a Facebook group into a physical book! I think Blurb may do this but haven't tried it. At the end of the season, a Facebook group has a very cool history of the season: joy of wins, agony of losses, funny stories, pictures, etc.
Pick a technology that where people can manage their own membership or subscription. Two very popular options are Facebook and Google user groups. In Facebook, create a group and make yourself and someone else in a leadership position an admin and make the group closed so that membership has to be approved by someone.
Setup for each year. For example, if you're using Facebook, when you create a group, have the year in the title. Create at the start of each season, and close down last years at the same time. These groups will pick up a LOT of traffic. Recreating each year helps to make sure the membership is current and relevant.
Pick a technology that will manage documents and files. We have club hand books, hand books from the league, rosters, driving directions, league standings, etc. that we need to make available to everyone. Facebook allows this. If you don't use Facebook, you may have to pick another technology to support this, such as www.skydrive.com or Google drive.
We setup a phone line through Google Voice where we leave messages for the team. This is useful for last minute changes. People will call the line and hear the latest information. This is helpful when there are iffy weather conditions or there is some last minute issue with the field. This is free.
We've used a service called www.squidoo.com to setup a page that lists out all the field location information. This includes information on address for the field, how long it takes to get there, where to eat afterwards, does the field location have a bathroom. You can see our page at: www.syracuseeaglessoccer.com.
You will always have someone on the team who doesn't do email, doesn't do Facebook, doesn't do.... In those cases it's up to them to find another family to partner with to get communications. Make this clear at the parents meeting at the start of the season.
Document any details about a particular tool you're using. For example, if you're using Google Voice, document how to update messages. You'll include things like the phone number, pin number, what options to set, and maybe even a template for what to say. This goes to the club secretary.
I'm waiting for some tool that will turn a Facebook group into a physical book! I think Blurb may do this but haven't tried it. At the end of the season, a Facebook group has a very cool history of the season: joy of wins, agony of losses, funny stories, pictures, etc.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Yelling at the Game
Okay, I'm a yeller. I've got a very loud voice and get excited at the game. But, alas, I've come to the conclusion that it does no good. What I found was that I was trying to push the team to a win by yelling, and that just doesn't work. Sure some basic yelling to deal with some specific situations is appropriate, but there comes a point where the players need to figure it out. When I finally figured this out and took a step back I noticed how many other coaches yell. I was very impressed by one coach out of Binghamton who really projected a calm, confident presence on the side lines. I'm thinking 'role model'. Then there are the other ones who combine yelling WITH drama :-) That's just a circus act, not a role model. Really, you can't get your team to win by more yelling. If they're not listening to you, more yelling isn't going to help - some direct feedback to specific players is what's needed.
So what kind of role model do you want to be?
So what kind of role model do you want to be?
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Game Time - Part 2: Case Study
The following situation is instructive in dealing with parents or spectators when the game time question comes up:
In our league we have an All Stars game that consists of the best players from the league divided into two teams that play each other for a competitive, fun event. The first and second place coaches from the league that season coach the two teams. Since my team was first place, I got to coach. Fun game - was great to see opponents working together - was surprised at how well they played together. We lost 1-4, but hey, it was a nice day and we had fun. After the game I'm walking across the field and get cornered by someone I didn't know. He's telling me how much he appreciates my work and time and blah and blah and blah. I'm thinking something's up here. Then comes the "but". He tells me that some of the fans (strength in numbers) and him are disappointed that the league MVP goalie sat the bench during the first half. And he wouldn't let it go.
Some observations on how to discuss this game time question:
All the thanks and blah blah blah was just smoke for him to be critical. That cheapens the 'thanks' stuff. Also doesn't help his cause.
At one point I felt like saying, 'dude, I heard you the first time', but kept my mouth shut. Why do people like this need to say it over and over again? Because it's the only stick they have to beat you with. And if they beat you enough times with it, that will be your payment and maybe you won't do it again. Be polite and firm. Say, "thanks for your feedback and I'll consider what you've said" and walk away. You can break off the conversation if it keeps going.
It's funny - well not really 'funny' at the time - that he's mad at me because he had an expectation of me that he didn't tell me. People will have all kinds of expectations of you during the season that they don't communicate, but will let you know after the fact. It happens. Just be polite and let it go.
Note in this situation that the league hadn't set any expectations on me either. The league soccer board hadn't said what they expected me to do. So there are two important things to do in this situation: (1) write up what your expectations are and give back to the league board - shape the future of the program, and (2) you're the coach - you get to decide. When he's the coach and willing to spend 10-20 hrs per week, he gets to decide.
This guy didn't understand the bigger picture. This happens a lot. People will get into conflict with the coach over some specific situation, but not understand what else is going on. Turns out one of the other players from another team on my All Stars team was also a goalie, in fact he was the MVP goalie from the previous year and this was his senior year. I asked him if he wanted to play on the field and he said yes, so I played him in goal the first half and on the field half. I had asked the benched goalie if he wanted to play on the field and he said no. So he sat the bench. You don't need to explain the bigger situation - they usually don't care. They have some vested interest in some specific thing, so won't really care what you're up against.
I'm not sure what the goalie said to his fans, if anything, but I have noticed that a player will be disappointed, this transfers to the parents and they come after the coach. Don't cross Mamma-bear. Two problems with this: first, the player should be talking to the coach, this is how they learn to deal with authority and work out hard situations. Second, sometimes players need to just learn how to handle disappointment.
Along with expectations is the question of objective - what was the objective of the All Stars game? No one had specifically written that down, but from what I could gather it was to be a fun, competitive game to honor the best players in the league and get as much game time as we could for all the players. Again, this guy didn't get that.
Perhaps the bests advice in these situation is: Let it go. These kinds of situations will happen every year no matter how much you clarify and communicate. I had one situation 'game time' question, I got so mad and didn't let it go for a couple days. Not good. Getting mad just saps energy you'll need for other things.
Listen, I'm not saying I'm always right. I'm a new, volunteer coach. I will make mistakes. So I need to learn from feedback. I did process what this guy said and in hindsight I think I need to pay more attention to the All League players. In this situation I wouldn't have changed by decision. But as coaches, we do need to learn.
So it happens. It will happen every season. Be polite but firm. Let it go. You have bigger things to worry about.
In our league we have an All Stars game that consists of the best players from the league divided into two teams that play each other for a competitive, fun event. The first and second place coaches from the league that season coach the two teams. Since my team was first place, I got to coach. Fun game - was great to see opponents working together - was surprised at how well they played together. We lost 1-4, but hey, it was a nice day and we had fun. After the game I'm walking across the field and get cornered by someone I didn't know. He's telling me how much he appreciates my work and time and blah and blah and blah. I'm thinking something's up here. Then comes the "but". He tells me that some of the fans (strength in numbers) and him are disappointed that the league MVP goalie sat the bench during the first half. And he wouldn't let it go.
Some observations on how to discuss this game time question:
All the thanks and blah blah blah was just smoke for him to be critical. That cheapens the 'thanks' stuff. Also doesn't help his cause.
At one point I felt like saying, 'dude, I heard you the first time', but kept my mouth shut. Why do people like this need to say it over and over again? Because it's the only stick they have to beat you with. And if they beat you enough times with it, that will be your payment and maybe you won't do it again. Be polite and firm. Say, "thanks for your feedback and I'll consider what you've said" and walk away. You can break off the conversation if it keeps going.
It's funny - well not really 'funny' at the time - that he's mad at me because he had an expectation of me that he didn't tell me. People will have all kinds of expectations of you during the season that they don't communicate, but will let you know after the fact. It happens. Just be polite and let it go.
Note in this situation that the league hadn't set any expectations on me either. The league soccer board hadn't said what they expected me to do. So there are two important things to do in this situation: (1) write up what your expectations are and give back to the league board - shape the future of the program, and (2) you're the coach - you get to decide. When he's the coach and willing to spend 10-20 hrs per week, he gets to decide.
This guy didn't understand the bigger picture. This happens a lot. People will get into conflict with the coach over some specific situation, but not understand what else is going on. Turns out one of the other players from another team on my All Stars team was also a goalie, in fact he was the MVP goalie from the previous year and this was his senior year. I asked him if he wanted to play on the field and he said yes, so I played him in goal the first half and on the field half. I had asked the benched goalie if he wanted to play on the field and he said no. So he sat the bench. You don't need to explain the bigger situation - they usually don't care. They have some vested interest in some specific thing, so won't really care what you're up against.
I'm not sure what the goalie said to his fans, if anything, but I have noticed that a player will be disappointed, this transfers to the parents and they come after the coach. Don't cross Mamma-bear. Two problems with this: first, the player should be talking to the coach, this is how they learn to deal with authority and work out hard situations. Second, sometimes players need to just learn how to handle disappointment.
Along with expectations is the question of objective - what was the objective of the All Stars game? No one had specifically written that down, but from what I could gather it was to be a fun, competitive game to honor the best players in the league and get as much game time as we could for all the players. Again, this guy didn't get that.
Perhaps the bests advice in these situation is: Let it go. These kinds of situations will happen every year no matter how much you clarify and communicate. I had one situation 'game time' question, I got so mad and didn't let it go for a couple days. Not good. Getting mad just saps energy you'll need for other things.
Listen, I'm not saying I'm always right. I'm a new, volunteer coach. I will make mistakes. So I need to learn from feedback. I did process what this guy said and in hindsight I think I need to pay more attention to the All League players. In this situation I wouldn't have changed by decision. But as coaches, we do need to learn.
So it happens. It will happen every season. Be polite but firm. Let it go. You have bigger things to worry about.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
How They Learn
Every year I've got a couple guys who just don't get it: they can't kick the ball straight, can't keep the ball on the ground, don't know where to be on the field. And I'm okay with that, it takes time to build these skills and sometimes it doesn't come the first or even the second year. But sometimes things feel different. This can point to a learning disability or something else going on. So before you think the player is lazy or defiant, consider this possibility of learning style.
Some players may have a problem processing verbal instructions to physical action. This can be a problem especially when you're running a drill with 18 players and you typically shout out instructions as the drill is going on - they're just not going to be able to process that. In these cases it's important to have someone who can assist, taking the player off to the side and work with them.
Another possible situation are players who get overwhelmed in chaotic situations - like games! - and they freeze when there's too much going on around them. They may have very good soccer skills, but put them in a crowd with a lot going on and they shut down. Here's what makes it worse: the fans yelling at them. People will look at these players and wonder why they aren't moving more. Even coaches will yell at them - been there, done that. Here's what to do:
There are all different kinds of learning styles, but sometimes there are specific reasons for them 'not getting in'. Also, talk to the parents - frame the discussion as you're trying to help the player learn a concept and they seem to be struggling - is there anything that the parent has found that helps them in learning. Home school parents are typically more sensitive to the learning style of their kids than a private or public school.
Some players may have a problem processing verbal instructions to physical action. This can be a problem especially when you're running a drill with 18 players and you typically shout out instructions as the drill is going on - they're just not going to be able to process that. In these cases it's important to have someone who can assist, taking the player off to the side and work with them.
Another possible situation are players who get overwhelmed in chaotic situations - like games! - and they freeze when there's too much going on around them. They may have very good soccer skills, but put them in a crowd with a lot going on and they shut down. Here's what makes it worse: the fans yelling at them. People will look at these players and wonder why they aren't moving more. Even coaches will yell at them - been there, done that. Here's what to do:
- The first key is to keep them off of defense. Defense is all about jumping into the middle of a crowd and they don't do well with that.
- Second, put them on striker or a wing, while these aren't exactly quiet positions, they do offer some buffer. Players like this can be very good on break away situations or one on one.
- Provide basic instruction - here is the one thing you want them to do in the game.
- Lots of praise for what's working right and very specific feedback. No more than one point of feedback. It's not that their stupid, it's that when they get into the chaos of the field, they won't remember the five things you want them to do.
- Go find the noisy fans and tell them ... you'd appreciate it if they didn't do what their doing.
There are all different kinds of learning styles, but sometimes there are specific reasons for them 'not getting in'. Also, talk to the parents - frame the discussion as you're trying to help the player learn a concept and they seem to be struggling - is there anything that the parent has found that helps them in learning. Home school parents are typically more sensitive to the learning style of their kids than a private or public school.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Think Next Year, Next Coach
One thing that I was kind of amazed by is that there was no record of what other coaches had done with players. As a new coach, I had no record of what kinds of conditioning previous coaches had done, what kinds of drills, what set plays, etc. A coach would come, do his thing, he would go and then it's up to the next guy to figure it out. This isn't good for the long term viability of the program. This creates inconsistency with the players and later coaches can't learn from what works or doesn't work. When our program first started, we were just focused on one year at a time. Before I knew it, I was an old timer in the program at 6 years! At that point I had more kids to get into the program and wanted it to succeed. 10 years can go by pretty quickly!
Ask for previous work out plans. Lot's of coaches tend to have this 'I got it covered' attitude. Listen: no one has it all covered. This is a humility issue. You can always learn something from someone else. I've seen beginner coaches refuse input and watch the season crash and burn. I've seen experienced coaches miss things that would have helped them. Be teachable.
Write down you work out plans. It's helpful to know what drill did you do and how long did you take to do it. Also include what day of practice in the season - was it day 1, day 10 or day 20? This sequence can give you and someone else a sense of how the drills build and timing. I use a simple table: start time, duration, drill, and notes. So at 6:00, for 15min, we'll have a warm up, and I'll have a note on something to talk to the players about. Next would be 6:15, 20min, box drill. And so on.
Give workout plans to club secretary. Don't have a secretary? You should have one! They should have a file to keep stuff like this in. Recommend printed copy - digital copies tend to get lost in transitions between technologies and people.
Bottom line: this program is more than about you on a particular day. This years kids will benefit from previous years and what you do this year will impact boys and girls 5 or 10 years down the road.
Ask for previous work out plans. Lot's of coaches tend to have this 'I got it covered' attitude. Listen: no one has it all covered. This is a humility issue. You can always learn something from someone else. I've seen beginner coaches refuse input and watch the season crash and burn. I've seen experienced coaches miss things that would have helped them. Be teachable.
Write down you work out plans. It's helpful to know what drill did you do and how long did you take to do it. Also include what day of practice in the season - was it day 1, day 10 or day 20? This sequence can give you and someone else a sense of how the drills build and timing. I use a simple table: start time, duration, drill, and notes. So at 6:00, for 15min, we'll have a warm up, and I'll have a note on something to talk to the players about. Next would be 6:15, 20min, box drill. And so on.
Give workout plans to club secretary. Don't have a secretary? You should have one! They should have a file to keep stuff like this in. Recommend printed copy - digital copies tend to get lost in transitions between technologies and people.
Bottom line: this program is more than about you on a particular day. This years kids will benefit from previous years and what you do this year will impact boys and girls 5 or 10 years down the road.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Game Time - Part 1
The most common point of conflict with parents is game time for their player. They pay the money and expect them to play. Reasonable. But then they ask after the first game, 'why didn't he play more?!?' Unreasonable. The problem is expectations. They have expectations and you have expectations, and since it's your expectations that get displayed on the field, it'll be you they'll come after! The flip side is that they have expectations that they haven't told you about, but they will hold you accountable for. That's not reasonable or fair to you, but it will happen. And that's the first step - recognizing that this will happen and not be surprised.
So it's important to make your expectations clear. This starts with the parents meetings before the season starts. This starts with you asking yourself what's the goal of your program. Some teams are interested in the kids having fun, some on winning, others may have the goal of ministry to special needs kids, etc. And it's not just you. If there is some kind of organization that oversees the program, then it's key to have a clearly stated goal from those stakeholders in that organization.
The goal of our program is to provide a varsity level, competitive soccer program, for homeschool boys within a Christian context. Our goal is to win games, but winning is a more complex formula that includes preparing younger players for winning in future years. Given those goals, I tell players and parents that everyone will play, but everyone will not play the same amount of time. Younger players may sit the bench a lot the first and second year. Amount of time depends on what value they bring to the game and if the game is one where we can play younger players without hurting the teams standings in the league.
Some rules to make clear to parents about asking about game time:
The key is to make your expectations clear up front. It is hard for parents to see their son sitting on the bench for a lot of games for two years. One thing I always mention is that I've been through what they're going through. I've had three boys and a girl go through the program and watched them site the bench. While this is hard, when they make it on to the field it's clear that they've worked hard and see the reward. They will know they've grown and are ready.
What's challenging about a program like this is that we have players that would normally be on a JV team in a school with a larger program. In our case we combine the JV and Varsity players. So you can see the problem.
Bottom line: be clear on your expectations with regard to player game time and how any discussion should go when talking about a specific players game time.
So it's important to make your expectations clear. This starts with the parents meetings before the season starts. This starts with you asking yourself what's the goal of your program. Some teams are interested in the kids having fun, some on winning, others may have the goal of ministry to special needs kids, etc. And it's not just you. If there is some kind of organization that oversees the program, then it's key to have a clearly stated goal from those stakeholders in that organization.
The goal of our program is to provide a varsity level, competitive soccer program, for homeschool boys within a Christian context. Our goal is to win games, but winning is a more complex formula that includes preparing younger players for winning in future years. Given those goals, I tell players and parents that everyone will play, but everyone will not play the same amount of time. Younger players may sit the bench a lot the first and second year. Amount of time depends on what value they bring to the game and if the game is one where we can play younger players without hurting the teams standings in the league.
Some rules to make clear to parents about asking about game time:
- If your son didn't do any of the recommended pre-season work, then you can't expect much game time.
- Do not come to me after the first couple games and ask me why your son didn't play more. It takes time for the coach to figure out the skill level of players, what position works for them, who do they work well with, how long can they last, etc
- If you come to me and ask about game time, you must ask the question, "what can my son do to get more game time?"
- Don't ever, ever, ever, complain to my wife about player time. Ever.
- Your son should be talking to the coach about game time, not Mom and Dad. This teaches them responsibility and how to communicate with authority.
- If you come to me with a lot of emotion - you're really angry or upset - then you should probably wait to discuss. Jacked up emotions make it hard to communicate, especially if the coach has something difficult to say.
The key is to make your expectations clear up front. It is hard for parents to see their son sitting on the bench for a lot of games for two years. One thing I always mention is that I've been through what they're going through. I've had three boys and a girl go through the program and watched them site the bench. While this is hard, when they make it on to the field it's clear that they've worked hard and see the reward. They will know they've grown and are ready.
What's challenging about a program like this is that we have players that would normally be on a JV team in a school with a larger program. In our case we combine the JV and Varsity players. So you can see the problem.
Bottom line: be clear on your expectations with regard to player game time and how any discussion should go when talking about a specific players game time.
It Begins....
My soccer team just completed 14 games for league play and went undefeated earning the league title, with a record of 11-0-3. And to think that nine years ago I knew nothing about soccer, and it wasn't until four years ago that I actually start coaching. Haha - and I still get the names of positions confused! This blog is about my experiences and what I've learned over the past four years.
First, a little context. I'm a Christian, husband and father of six kids. We didn't intend to homeschool our kids - our back ground was public school, so just assumed that's what we were going to do. But things have a way of changing and we've been homeschooling ever since the first was ready for school. My athletic background is endurance sports. Cross Country, track & field, road races and cross country skiing were my thing. Never did the team sport thing. When my kids showed an interest in soccer, we got them on the Syracuse Eagles homeschool team. Even then, I only watched a few games and really didn't understand the sport. As time went on it became clear that the whole program needed more organization - could no longer fall to one or two people to do everything. I helped get the board together to oversee and organize the program. Coaching became an issue - we had lost a coach and without a coach the boys program would have died. Couldn't have that happen while my boys were playing, so we hired someone to do some part time coaching. The time the hired coaches weren't there, I would fill in, repeating that they told me to do. Eventually I took over from the hired help and ran the program.
Our team plays in the ESCAL league that includes eight team from Oswego to Corning. This is a varsity level league that includes ages from 11 to 18. Maybe not up to the level of high schools, but still very competitive.
I think I'm in a unique position to share some experiences from the past nine years since I've been involved with the organizational aspect of the program, joining a new league, and learning how to coach. Nope, I'm not the perfect coach or even close, so don't look to this for the definitive word on coaching to success - there are plenty of other web sites that will be happy to share the secrets of coaching, for a fee! Nope, you get my advice for free - hope you can use it!
First, a little context. I'm a Christian, husband and father of six kids. We didn't intend to homeschool our kids - our back ground was public school, so just assumed that's what we were going to do. But things have a way of changing and we've been homeschooling ever since the first was ready for school. My athletic background is endurance sports. Cross Country, track & field, road races and cross country skiing were my thing. Never did the team sport thing. When my kids showed an interest in soccer, we got them on the Syracuse Eagles homeschool team. Even then, I only watched a few games and really didn't understand the sport. As time went on it became clear that the whole program needed more organization - could no longer fall to one or two people to do everything. I helped get the board together to oversee and organize the program. Coaching became an issue - we had lost a coach and without a coach the boys program would have died. Couldn't have that happen while my boys were playing, so we hired someone to do some part time coaching. The time the hired coaches weren't there, I would fill in, repeating that they told me to do. Eventually I took over from the hired help and ran the program.
Our team plays in the ESCAL league that includes eight team from Oswego to Corning. This is a varsity level league that includes ages from 11 to 18. Maybe not up to the level of high schools, but still very competitive.
I think I'm in a unique position to share some experiences from the past nine years since I've been involved with the organizational aspect of the program, joining a new league, and learning how to coach. Nope, I'm not the perfect coach or even close, so don't look to this for the definitive word on coaching to success - there are plenty of other web sites that will be happy to share the secrets of coaching, for a fee! Nope, you get my advice for free - hope you can use it!
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