Game Time - Part 1

The most common point of conflict with parents is game time for their player.  They pay the money and expect them to play.  Reasonable.  But then they ask after the first game, 'why didn't he play more?!?'  Unreasonable.  The problem is expectations.  They have expectations and you have expectations, and since it's your expectations that get displayed on the field, it'll be you they'll come after!  The flip side is that they have expectations that they haven't told you about, but they will hold you accountable for.  That's not reasonable or fair to you, but it will happen.  And that's the first step - recognizing that this will happen and not be surprised.

So it's important to make your expectations clear.  This starts with the parents meetings before the season starts.  This starts with you asking yourself what's the goal of your program.  Some teams are interested in the kids having fun, some on winning, others may have the goal of ministry to special needs kids, etc.  And it's not just you.  If there is some kind of organization that oversees the program, then it's key to have a clearly stated goal from those stakeholders in that organization.

The goal of our program is to provide a varsity level, competitive soccer program, for homeschool boys within a Christian context.  Our goal is to win games, but winning is a more complex formula that includes preparing younger players for winning in future years.  Given those goals, I tell players and parents that everyone will play, but everyone will not play the same amount of time.  Younger players may sit the bench a lot the first and second year.  Amount of time depends on what value they bring to the game and if the game is one where we can play younger players without hurting the teams standings in the league.

Some rules to make clear to parents about asking about game time:

• If your son didn't do any of the recommended pre-season work, then you can't expect much game time.

• Do not come to me after the first couple games and ask me why your son didn't play more.  It takes time for the coach to figure out the skill level of players, what position works for them, who do they work well with, how long can they last, etc

• If you come to me and ask about game time, you must ask the question, "what can my son do to get more game time?"

• Don't ever, ever, ever, complain to my wife about player time.  Ever.

• Your son should be talking to the coach about game time, not Mom and Dad.  This teaches them responsibility and how to communicate with authority.
• If you come to me with a lot of emotion - you're really angry or upset - then you should probably wait to discuss.  Jacked up emotions make it hard to communicate, especially if the coach has something difficult to say.

The key is to make your expectations clear up front.  It is hard for parents to see their son sitting on the bench for a lot of games for two years.  One thing I always mention is that I've been through what they're going through.  I've had three boys and a girl go through the program and watched them site the bench.  While this is hard, when they make it on to the field it's clear that they've worked hard and see the reward.  They will know they've grown and are ready.

What's challenging about a program like this is that we have players that would normally be on a JV team in a school with a larger program.  In our case we combine the JV and Varsity players.  So you can see the problem.

Bottom line: be clear on your expectations with regard to player game time and how any discussion should go when talking about a specific players game time.